I used to love her... I still do

I let you in. I opened the door and gave you a ringside seat to me. I let my hair down, let you see me, not the image I portray to the public...but ME with all the flaws, the issues, the pain that had come with my journey. I opened my heart and let you have the key, not holding anything back but emptying myself in this reservoir of emotion and got carried away by how I felt towards you, that it never occurred to me to think that maybe you didn't feel the same or wasn't ready for the depth of emotion I was unleashing on a man who was unprepared, unwilling or just not ready to see me in the way I was revealing myself. I loved you, I love you now...but in loving you, in being there for you, it became all about you and somewhere in the mix, there was no me.. I was being true to my heart, but my heart was not being true to me. I fell...so hard I hit the floor and the blood splattered..giving all of me, expecting all of you. Lying to myself, becoming anything but who I WAS. I became who you wanted me to be. It never once came to me that once there was you, there no longer was a me...I became an us, a we, no longer were my dreams my own, my opinions, my thoughts and emotions were not my own any more...they were ours. The goals and aspirations which once inspired me took a back seat to yours and slowly but surely..gala faded and some other girl wearing my face had taken my place. I was lost without any way of getting back to me. I used to love her, now..I don't know her any more. 

Little by little you drifted..until I found myself running just to keep up with you, wanting to be all you needed, not realizing it is impossible to be all you need. I really tried, but the trying made me tired and all I wanted to do was just to stop and just be in love with you. I ignored the signs that told me that this was all wrong.. but nobody wants to be alone..and when I would rather be Donna than be me for you, I knew, I was lost. I used to love her. Now...your'e gone, got the phone call saying that you met someone new, said you just didn't want to be with someone who didn't really know herself..that was so busy pleasing you that she forgot to please you. After all the time I took to be who you wanted me to be.. all you asked of me was for me to be myself.  I used to love her.

I let you go, though I wanted to beg you to stay.. I watched you leave.. and though I felt the pain, I then saw hope staring back in the face I once lost. I was back. I felt free, realizing that all I had to do was be, the one thing God made me good at was being me. Though flawed, it was the way I was meant to be. And I promised that I would never want to be somebody else that somewhere would be someone who loved me for myself and never settle for someone I would regret. I would never be someone's second best.. that no matter what presented it self to me, Gala is who I would be, and whoever came, no matter the name, it would be me they claim, and not the girl who wore my face and my shame.  I love her.

My heart,

My mind,

My soul,

My being,

All that I am or ever hope of being,

Is the image of who I see,

The beauty and promise that is me.

My love,

My life,

My joy,

My price,

All that I would ever dream of seeing,

Is the image of who I am,

God's image inside the man.

My days,

My nights,

My darkness,

My light,

All that I ever believe I could be,

Is the passion living inside of me.

My tomorrows,

My today's,

My now and always,

All the love that I could every hope to see,

Starts by learning how to love me.

And whoever comes,

If he is the one, will love what they see,

They will look into my eyes and find the beauty in truth,

In what they see, and if they don't, I will not cry,

I will walk away and say goodbye,

I love her.